20041225
It all turned out nice and funky on the first part of Christmas Eve. Left house at 1pm, met siyu&sam for lunch, followed by a four hour long KTV session. Haha..this was my first time having such an experience, and we all really had a hell lot of fun.
Thereafter we headed for town at 7p.m to join another group of friends, woosh the crowd was mad. Orchard was really congested on Christmas Eve, the atmosphere was great, but suffocating though. The group of friends were all from my primary school, however we were in different classes. It has been three years and everything just passed in a split-second. All of us changed our hairstyle, some did the fin, some did the explosive hair, how interesting haha.
Didn't get to know them much until today. Everyone behaved in such a gangsterish way, f*** words and all the ~@%$~@% language were used as though it is essential to get the mood going on. LOL. Nevertheless, they were really really funny people, and I know that the f words is just their natural and usual way of expressing themselves, whats most important is deep down their hearts they are actually nice and considerate people, constantly aware about their limits and the border that they shouldn't overstep.
We went from Orchard, to the Esplanade, and then lastly to the hilltop in Bukit Purmei. It went on till 3.30a.m. but unfortunately my parents forced me to be home by 1a.m. Mensch.totally.felt like shit. I am already fifteen, i do well in my studies, i always abide to my curfew and even study consistently during the holidays...why dun i deserve even this little bit of freedom on a special occasion? Besides what can I do when i am home, sleep and rot? Even the gals of my age were allowed to stay on but why not me? I just wanna spending some quality time with the friends... You have no idea how disappointed and disturbed was I...
And when i reached home, Dad started lecturing and said that I better be home for the next few days. And there goes my plans for tomorrow, can't even go to church... total f***
I know that Christmas is supposed to be joyful occasion... and i shld'nt be so negative, but how will u feel when u are compelled to stay home and rot with ur books, even on this special occasion? You'll just hope that your parents are more understanding..
up next i would like to thank a few special people who have alwaes been there :)
posted @ 11:20 AM
5 comments
20041221
If I Ain't Got You
Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you
Some people search for a fountain
The promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them
Hand me a world on a silver platter
And what good would it be?
With no one to share, with no one who truly cares for me
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you
If I ain't got you with me baby
Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby
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I just love this song, the rhythm, the style, its just so funkae. Most importantly the lyrics are really meaningful, and it makes great sense.
Some people just spend their life, working their asses off day and night, all for money and different materialistic goals. If this is what you plan to do, I would suggest you should just place a computerized robot chip into your brain now, let it do the job and end the suffering. There is so much to be achieved in this world other then fulfilling such things isn't it? People who emphasize too much on material rather then their the intellectual or spiritual side of life would just end up with nothing.
You can have all the clothes, money, properties and fame but deep down you, emptiness and loneliness is all you felt. Do you get what i mean? For instance, sometimes the more people or friends you are surrounded with, the lonelier you feel? Yea.. indeed it is one of the strangest paradoxes.. cause there are many out there who thirst for popularity ain't it? Well.. but theres a reason behind this
I think its has all to do with people expecting or wanting us to act in a certain way. Yes, this would overwhelm you with joy, but it is only a temporal thing, and u gotta pay a greater price in future just to get this. When you surround yourself with more people, they are usually just friends that are great entertainers and fun-loving people. All these are just the superficial side of them, the most important thing in a friendship is the quality of the relationship between 2 parties ain't it?
If we are surrounded by people who we dun completely trust, our real self tends to be hidden. Because, we don't feel safe to express our true selves, afraid of being judged or hurt by others. This is why we feel so lonely and isolated, cause we yearn for someone to see us as who we really are, to not only be there with us when we have fun, but to also be there when we are down.
Happiness starts from deep within...make a point to be happy and you will eventually achieve your goal. Forget about all the long-cuts, it doesn't work. Money and materialistic things will not give you happiness in the long run. Its as simple as it is, ask for happiness and get happiness. =)
here are some of the pics frm new zealand...me and my good friends :)
missing u guys like shit!
posted @ 9:46 AM
0 comments
20041217
Well well, lets see. Today was yet another hectic and exhausting day. I scrambled outta bed early in the morning for my physiotherapy session in "Tanglin Camedan Medical Centre". This time, I decided to visit a different doctor. Previously I consulted the highest rated Eng and Chi doctor in Singapore, was under them for a whole damn year...spent lots of money and time on the treatment, clinging on to hope that i will get well in the shortest amount of time, but to no avail. Well...so i decided to give this doctor a try when my junior introduced me to him. He's a nice guy, friendly and approachable, and also a strong believer of Christ...
After going through several diagnosis and tests, he taught me exercises that would stretch and strengthen my joints. He was very different from the other doctors, partly because he was willing to put in effort and teach these exercises to the patients, instead of compelling them to come back to the clinic twice every week, charging $60++ for each pathetically short session, when they can actually do such exercises at home, free-of-charge. He is indeed a trustworthy man, completely different from assholic doctors who would try every means and ways to suck up every single cent from your pocket. After my past experiences with the two top-rated doctors, I did not put in so much hope that this treatment would ensure me a full recovery. hiy..well..but for now, at least there is still a new ray of hope...perhaps i'll just hope for a miracle to happen...and that i can once again walk, write, type, engage in recreational sports freely like a normal guy (: thats all i wish for. thats all...
I rushed home after the appointment, got dressed up, and headed for Plaza Singapura to meet up with my primary school mates for a movie and dinner. The outting didn't turn out as well as i have expected, as we were split into 2 cliques :/ Nevertheless, it was great to see the familiar faces once again after all this years.. Well.. I guess most of them did not change a bit! they look, act and behave in the same way as before.. The one that have changed the most was actually me i, both mentally and physically, yeup i gotta agree on that.
As we all grow up and join different secondary schools, pursuing our own individual dreams and goals, it is inevitable that we do drift apart from one another...some of us choose to completely forget our primary school mates, while others choose to cling onto their old friends as tight as they could, only to realize that they still failed to do so in the end.
Because...a friendship takes 2 to clap.
I guess many of us find it difficult to maintain the friendship between our primary school classmates... yes..indeed it is. Distance is one of the most difficult challenges a friendship faces. Because a friendship has so much to do with the time spent together and the sharing of similar cirumstances like friends in school or even friends from a trip or camp.
In a long-distance friendship you need trust to keep it going. To be able to know that even though the smses and calls get lesser and lesser, the care and concern shown to each other is still the same. Did you ever sit down face to face with such a friend, and while you two were having a nice long chat, it felt as though no time as passed at all. Such friends are usually people whom you trust, and are those that you were once close with.
posted @ 1:05 AM
1 comments
20041204
I do not know what the hell..is happening today...my state of mind...it is just totally screwed up.
Well..I spent the afternoon with my church friends who are in the youth band, crapping and jaming in Avron Studio. It used to be a highly exhilarating and refreshing session for the soul and mind, but this time, it only changed the superficial part of me. What you may see is the usual hyped up expression...however, beneath the surface, there is a different side. Deep inside of me emptiness is all i felt..
I was just too distracted to concentrate in singing, even though the performance is round the corner. My mind is in such an unstable state, that i dun exactly know what i am doing or thinking at a certain point of time. A complete mixture of sadness, disappointment and emptiness... as well as foolishness...
what is love...what is love.. a fairytale? true love? i wished i could have believed in all this... but... after seeing so much shit in this world... i could only conclude that such things.. no longer exist. Love is just like a battlefield.. the more you love him or her, the lesser you get loved back. Why?! Cause humans like us have the natural tendency to take things for granted.
The person that you love the most, is not the person that love you the most.
The person that love you the most, is not the person you love the most.
The person that you marry...and live with for the rest of your life... is neither the 2 above, and just the one that came at the right time.
What do you think of this...dun you think reality sucks..
I wished God had pre-arranged each and everyone one of us with a perfect match. In this way, we need not have to go through the excruciating process before settling down...
Well... this is unrealistic, and it is just one of the fairytale perceptions..
I guess its important that we struggle in life too, only by doing that... then you will learn..and gain experience..guess thats what life is about.
Love...
Does loving someone means that we shld focus everything on getting him or her to be our mate?
I dun think so...
The most important thing in love is happiness... ... without happiness...whats the point of loving...whats the point of holding on to someone who is not happy about the relationship? isn't that a selfish thing to do.
You gotta think for the future and the benefit of the other party, it is not just your desires, your goals and what you want.
I guess some of you have been thru this too...
You once loved someone dearly, loved someone so deeply. You wanted to confess your love for her, but she already has someone in mind. At times when she is unable to get her crush, and feels upset, you would comfort her, encourage her... and naturally feel upset for her as well..even when you were wishing for her love all along. And when she finally gets the love of her crush, joy is all she feels. You'll feel contented inside, congratulate her with a light smile on your face, before walking off with an empty heart. At times when you see her and her loved one together, you feel at ease and contented that she has found her happiness, when you walk away..the cold truth suddenly dawns upon you...you feel useless, you feel saddened, but end of the day you could still force out a simple smile and continue on with life, for she has already gained the best gift you could ever give her, happiness....
Right now, i am tired of love, sick of love, staying away from love... but the harder you resist... ...........
[I do not know why i wrote all this, perhaps I was in an unstable mood and recollected some incidents of the past, long long ago, after a trigger. ]yup
God bless..and my advice is..dun ever start a relationship at this age...it usually doesn't work out and sometimes it can be a catastrophe that will ruin ur life...totally.
good luck
posted @ 11:42 PM
2 comments
20041203
2 Weeks after the trip in New Zealand, is it a new beginning? or is it an end to all the happiness we once shared? It all depends on your perception doesn't it?...
I have gone to a new chapter in my life, venturing into an obscuring world of uncertainty. Thats life.You never know whats going to happen next, you never know when would you die and leave all your friends, your achievements, your possessions, and lose your most precious gift, Life. Time, the limited resource of life. It doesn't wait or stop for anyone in this world. Just like a giant hourglass, day by day, minute by minute, second by second, it gets drained constantly, until a point of time it juz stops.
Its up to you, yes you, to do something before the hourglass stops functioning.
Now back in Singapore, I gotta admit that life really sux here. The entire nation is caught up in the rat race, insensitive and oblivious to the surrounding.
We see pessimist all around us, unable to enjoy what they do, unable to see the big picture of life. All they hope to achieve is their short-term desires and goals, and not fufilling the spritual side of life, happiness.
At dawn, students pull themselves out of bed, with a frown on their faces, ready to face yet another long and excruciaitingly painful day at school. Who is responsible for this?
From 9a.m to 5p.m, five times a week, adults would work their asses off, and succumb to their overwhelmming desire for money. Do they even know what this money will bring them? happiness?bullcrap.
Some people spend half of their life, working like a bull, neglecting their health and needs of their body, just to reach their goal of having enough money to retire comfortably. Thats just totally spastic. If you have no limits in your working hours, and you pure goal is to earn $$ and $$ and $$. Your life will really be sad. You choose to endure and make life difficult for yourself at the workplace for years, instead of enjoying what you do. You have a choice and yet you choose the first one?
Most importantly, you spend all your life and soul working for money at the cost of your health. And at the age of your retirement, congratulations, its time now to spend all the money you have on your health. :)
oh scheisse...i am late for an outing! i will continue next time!
posted @ 11:35 AM
0 comments
